I lost an elder brother under very sad circumstances sometime back.
The funeral was delayed due to some reasons, chief of which was how to break the news of his death to our aged mother, whose health was hanging in the balance.
They were close. And each time she asked of him, she would be told that he travelled overseas for business. She often nodded to that response but she didn’t seem convinced.
That’s a son that never failed to stop by her house every Sunday.
Whatever little he had, he loved to share with her, even on days when all he could buy for her were fruits.
While his funeral was pending, something kept happening to me.
Every now and then, I would see him in my dreams.
In those dreams, he was usually very angry.
In fact, the more dreams I had of him, the angrier he seemed.
In one of such dreams (before his funeral), he was so angry that when I tried pacifying him, he pushed me away.
Eventually, we conducted the funeral rites for him.
A few days after the funeral, I went to have a look at his grave.
I planted flowers there and arranged the gravestones.
I lit a candle and prayed for his soul again. I also asked him to forgive me for the times I wasn’t the best sibling to him.
I took a workman that I paid (to help me put the grave in order) with me and while I prayed, the man stepped aside.
When I was done, the man said, “He must really love you. I felt unusually cold as I worked on his grave.”
I nodded and we left.
Do you know that the next time he appeared in my dream, he was very calm?
It’s just that he refused to come inside the house but sent for me, instead.
In that dream, he also gave me a message about home (which actually became a reality some days later).
Before he turned back to leave, he handed over a bag to me, which he called “Drugs for my sisters.”
One of our elder sisters, who was battling ill health at the time, had since become well.
What this experience taught me is that closure is not only what you find with the living.
Our deceased loved ones give that to us, too, especially when you keep sacred all that concerns their memory.
How do you do that?
If you can help it, take seriously and genuinely to the causes that meant a lot to them. That includes those they left behind, e.g. their loved ones.
A befitting funeral for the deceased is a funeral that is in accordance with who they were.
If they lived a life of modesty, you are insulting their soul by embracing extravagance in this respect.
Don’t underestimate the value of stopping by their physical resting place once in a while to talk to them, plant flowers or make sure the place is well kept.
If you were not on good terms before their demise, don’t be hard on yourself. Try doing something they would love in memory of them.
They are more loving once they cross over. And you will feel that energy in your (dream) encounter with them.
Another practice to imbibe whenever you hear/read about someone that has just died is this: ask for their soul to find peace with God and silently pray for their loved ones to be consoled by God.
Finally, pray that they forgive humanity. Because, in one way or the other, we are not to one another all that we should be.
If they were murdered, pray to God to give them justice.
These are some of the ways you can help to make them rest in peace!
